Why hello my radiant friends,
Its been too long…
So, as many of you probably know, I left NYC after being there for two months pursuing a career in modeling.
Isn’t it crazy how much can change in the matter of a week? Two days even?
I have been putting off writing this post, or writing at all, because I have NOT been happy with myself, or felt inspired to share my state of being with yall.
But after a few weeks of pouting, contemplating, and finally accepting, I am ready to shed some light on what has been going on.
First, and foremost, Michael and I had an AMAZING time in NYC. We learned so much about ourselves, our relationship got stronger, we met incredible people, saw incredible things, and ate some incredible food! As pictured: me with an amazing vegan ice cream sandwich and an even more AMAZING lady, Laurel. I absolutely LOVE THIS BEAUTIFUL SOUL!!!! (Follow her on Instagram if you love pretty food: @sarndilia)
But when it came down to make the commitment to sign the year lease.. I just could not go through with it. My intuition was screaming at me, and I knew that NYC was not the place for me.
The modeling industry. WOW
Okay, I know there are incredible people in the industry, and most of the women that are actually the face of modeling are extremely healthy.. BUT before you are graced with the title as a “known face,” you have to “pay your dues.” Being super skinny. Going to clubs. Knowing “the right” people. Wearing the “cool” clothes. Being thin.. very, very, very thin.. And honestly I don’t know if there is a healthy way for most women to be that skinny.
I am not “cool.”
I don’t like to party, I dont care about name brand clothing, I barely wear makeup, I love food, I bake for fun…
This is me.
And if I were to be”discovered” by someone that “matters” in the fashion industry, I could be myself (to an extent, I would still have to buy/wear name brands… Keep up with the “model off duty style” etc.)
But if you want to go to New York and make it happen for yourself, you have to be someone specific. You have to be “cool” and “expensive.”
Could I have done it? Yes.
I could have gone out every night, met the right people, wore the cool clothes, got in touch with the important crowd.
But I realized right away that I had no desire to do that.
There is a bigger purpose for me. And learned A LOT about myself through this time. It was stressful, and I did not understand what was going on.
I was disappointed in myself, frustrated and confused.. I mean I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do.. I thought I had a plan, or at least had SOMETHING figured out..
But I am home now, with my family.
I did some self discovering and I have completely changed the direction of my life.I deleted my Instagram.. And I will be blogging about who I am becoming soon.
Thanks for yalls support.
Lots of love,