After eating a blueberry waffle, with chocolate sauce, for lunch at 2:30pm on a Tuesday, I felt inspired to write this post.
Orthorexia. What is it?
Orthorexia is a new type of eating disorder. It is not anorexia, where one does not eat. It is an eating disorder where people eat unhealthily, healthy.
It is a type of illness that is closely related to anxiety disorder. Anxiety built around food, fitness, and “health.”
What it really is, is an addiction to being skinny without technically starving yourself.
I suffered from Orthorexia BIG TIME.
No, I never stopped eating. But I planned my whole entire life around food and working out.
I only ate vegetables and protein.
I was enslaved to my body.
Today, I am still struggling. I will not lie, I know I am not completely healed.
Physically, I am fine.
Mentally, I am still struggling. I think about food a lot. I feel anxious about meals. I feel literal anxiety when I am not active. I am struggling with loving the weight I have gained.
BUT, I am on the road to finding myself. I am almost there.
This is what I am doing right now to heal myself mentally.
- I eat things I would NEVER have ate (during my ed) at times I NEVER would have ate them (during my ed)
Example: blueberry waffles with chocolate sauce for lunch on a Tuesday.
2. I do not workout. I LOVE to be active, I always have. I am forcing myself to chill out. I have started doing yoga, though. Slow, non intense, stretch focused, yoga- for healing purposes. Oh, and I walk my dog a few times a week.
3. I journal. Everyday I write in my journal, about how I am feeling about my body. How I’m feeling about life in general.
4. I always express myself when I’m having anxious thoughts. If I am feeling bad about my body, I tell someone. I just get it out those negative feelings and move on. I always feel better sharing my emotions. I’ve also been sharing these emotions PUBLICLY, on YouTube- which has been amazing.
5. I meditate, with the intention of self love. In the morning, when I first wake up, or at night, right before I sleep, I focus on my breathe. I repeat the mantra, “I am beautiful. My body is beautiful. I am perfect as I am. I do not need to change anything about my physical appearance.” over and over and over again. I try to stay in this space for 10 minutes at least.
6. I unfollowed all “fitspo” pages on Instagram that made me feel uncomfortable about myself. No, it is not those pages faults that I am having problems with myself. But when you are not in a good head space, you have to do what you have to do to get better. Sometimes you have to distance yourself from people who promote a certain body type or way of life that triggers unhealthy thoughts to form in your head.
I have just started to really practice all of these techniques extensively for 2 weeks now and I am already feeling so much better. I can not wait to give you all an update very soon. This journey has been so crazy, thank you to all who have been supporting me from modeling to the place I am at now.
And if you are struggling, please feel free to reach out to me. I am always here.
Lots of love always,